My Pain Explained

As most of you probably already know, I am going on Wednesday to have back surgery. There have been a lot of questions and comments since the decision to have surgery was made. I am going to try to answer and explain what has lead me to this.

My problems with my back started when I was around seventeen years old. After many years of cheerleading, playing tennis and being an avid runner, my back started to suffer.And, yes, I used to be skinny enough to do all those things.....hard to believe, I know! Any way, I had problems off and on for years but, it was not until I was in my early twenties, that I was diagnosed with a degenerative bone disease. I was told then that I would eventually have to have surgery.

Over the years I would just have flair ups that were handled with anti-inflammatory medication and occasionally pain medication. The occasional episodes became more frequent but, were still manageable.  All of that changed three and half years ago when I was in a car accident and fractured my back in the same area that I already had problems with. This caused my spine to shift forward. I now have two vertebrae that are sitting on top of each other with no cushioning between them and my sciatic nerve is being crushed between them.

Now, I told you all of that so that you would understand the technical details. The physical and emotional details of living with this is just not so easy to explain.

For the last three and half years I have suffered with constant excruciating pain. Until the last few months, I have not talked about it, mentioned it or advertised it. Only my family and closest friends knew what I was going through and even then, I don't think they realized just how bad it was. That is just not my way. I keep things like this to myself and deal with it the best way I can.

I don't take pain medication because I don't want to go through life in a fog. I live with the pain by going to another place. Does that make sense? I learned years ago in Lamaze class, to concentrate on something else and not focus on the pain. This is what I do.

I had someone to accuse me of trying to be a Martyr! Really? That is how you see it? I don't see it that way. After growing up with a Mother who has Lupus, rheumatoid and various other illnesses, I have seen what something like this does to everyone in the household. This is not something I wanted for my kids. I wanted them to enjoy their childhood and I wanted to be right there with them, not laying in a bed while they were out living their lives.

Before anyone decides to run to my Mother and make something of the above statement that was not intended, I had a great childhood and I do not resent my Mother for being sick. It is what it is. While I was able to enjoy growing up, there has always been an underlying since of worry about my Mom. This worry has always hung over me like a dark cloud. I did not want that for my kids!

I have always lived my life running full speed ahead. I love to go and do and get there as fast as I can. The last few years, I have not been able to do that. 

I am not a whiner or complainer. The last few months, I feel like that is all I do and I hate it! I despise being weak and I hate the pain even more. There are so many things I want to do and can't. I hate that too.

This surgery is my lifeline. This is my hope for the future. I did not go into this lightly, I fought it as long as I could and still held out hope that there was something else that could be done. I cried and cried the day I was told that this surgery was my only option. Since then, I have researched and talked to others who have had this same surgery. I am confident in my doctor and I am at peace. I have turned this over to God and he will handle it all for me.

In three days I will have back surgery. I am going into it with hope, fear, excitement and peace. I will recover. I will be pain free. I will be able to once again take back my life. Not only will I take it back......I am going to run with it just as fast as I possibly can..........Who wants to run with me? Come on......I know you do......SO........Get Ready! I have places to go and lots of things to do and I am not waiting around for any slow pokes!

Look What We Did!

Look what Me and T did!

We made them! With God's help of course! We did it.....we molded them and raised them and most definitely put our mark on them! They are like taking T in one hand and me in the other and just squishing it all together!


And guess what? From them we got these!

Yep, we have the Fireman's wife and Big E's fiance and even though you can't see it yet......underneath that teeny tiny white dress........our first Grand Baby is growing! How exciting for us! Our family is growing by leaps and bounds!

It is just amazing to me that our lives have been so blessed. I am so excited about our future and all that it holds! But, right now, I am just enjoying the here and now which is...........


THIS!!!!!

The Fireman, Sweetie Pie, The Princess, Squirrel, Big E and our growing little Nugget!

My Best Friend

It is hard to believe that 29 years ago, On May 1, 1982........I married my best friend! It really does not feel like it has been that long. We have known each other since we were six years old and starting first grade. Oh, my! That was forty three years ago! Yes, we have literally spent a life time together!

I am not going to sit here and pretend that it has always been easy because, it has not! We have been through so much in our twenty-nine years of marriage. That first year......wow......I did not know if we were going to survive! Then we made a hard decision and moved six hours away from everyone and everything we had ever known! I had our first son in South Carolina and it was just the two of us at that hospital. We had no family there. We moved back when our oldest was a year old.

We went through several years of disappointment as we tried to have a second child and instead faced numerous miscarriages. After six and a half years of trying, we finally had our second son!

We went from joy to fear as we had our third child.....our only girl. She was so sick and we did not know if she would survive! Through this, we became closer instead of allowing it to break us apart!

We have had our ups and downs financially and emotionally, we have gone through the uncertainty of sickness and we have made it through the physical and emotional toll of a horrific car accident.

Through all of these ups and downs, the fear and sorrow, the one thing that has remained constant, is the love and respect we have for each other. Each trial that we have been through has just made us closer.

Even though we have had some really rough days, we have had way more wonderful days. We have brought three beautiful children into this world. We have watched with pride and joy as they have grown into the wonderful adults they have become.

Most of all, we have enjoyed each other. We know each other like we know ourselves. We can laugh at and with each other and we can just look at each other and know what the other one is thinking!

I still get feel a thrill when my phone rings and I know it is him. I love to see him smile and laugh and will do silly things just to get him to do both! I love his hands. I know those hands like I know my own. They are strong hands. They are the hands that dried my tears and tickled me until I laughed so much I could not breathe but most of all they are the hands that have held mine for twenty-nine years.

I don't know what makes a great marriage but, I do know what makes ours work. Respect, Trust, Laughter, Communication and Love......lots and lots of Love!

So......today.....I want to say to my "T".......I love you even more today than I did Twenty-nine years ago! Happy Anniversary! I am looking forward to all the years ahead of us! I Love You!

She Said Yes!

My middle son Big E bought his girlfriend a ring! He wanted to surprise her and wanted to propose in a special way. The plan was hatched to tell her we were going to the Botanical Gardens to take some couple photos. Me and Big E got there early and found the perfect spot for him to propose. We found a place that Me and Squirrel's Mom could stand and take pictures without being right on top of them.........we wanted to witness the proposal  but, not intrude on the special moment.

The pictures I got were so special.....

.......and of course........she said YES!


This is just one of many special moments for these two as they embark on the next chapter of their lives. They will face many changes and challenges over the next year. They are preparing to become parents and well as becoming life mates.

I could not be more proud of the two of them. They are making mature, wise decisions as they move forward. It won't always be an easy road but, it will be a road filled with laughter, joy and most of all LOVE!


Thank you to my Big E, for allowing us Mama's to be witness to this special moment in their lives. I love you both and wish you all the the happiness and joy that life can bring you!

The Wedding

I have been neglectful in my blogging duties in the last year and I really need to rectify this. I am going to start with the biggest event of our lives last year and that was my oldest son, The Fireman's wedding!

My three babies were beautiful as always...........

The Fireman's Bride was gorgeous!

T and the Fireman were so handsome in their tux..

Me......well.....I was happy, sad, proud and near tears.......all night.....

The whole day was filled with special moments. The Fireman had two grooms cakes, one was an Auburn football helmet and the other was a exact replica of his firemans helmet!

Most couples leave for the honeymoon on a car or sometimes a horse drawn carriage.....not my son and his sweet bride.......they left on..........can you guess?

Yep........a firetruck! How cool is that!


As everyone knows, planning a wedding is stressful and this one was no exception. We also know that once that wonderful day gets here......all the stress is gone and instead we become a witness to the next stage in a young couples life. My wish for them is that they always look at each other with those stars in their eyes and that they always remember the overwhelming love they felt for each other, at that exact moment when they said I DO!