I went to a mud bog last night. I was really surprised at how many people were amazed that I went. I am thinking there are a lot of folks that have no idea how I grew up. I am about to enlighten you.
I grew up in Kinsey, AL. Chevy Country and the apartments were not around until I got in high school. I grew up in a Kinsey that was laid back, safe and fun. We could walk to church and seldom drove. I grew up a short walk from my Granny and Grandaddy and many days were spent just hanging out with them.
Summer time was the best. Once I finished my long list of chores, the rest of the day was mine to do whatever I wanted to do. If the chores took longer than usual, my friends Janet and Tami would help so that we could get busy with our day. We would leave early in the morning and often not returning until well after dark. We didn't have cell phones so our parent often had no clue where we were or what we were up to. We lived in a different time so, there was never a concern about our safety. All of the neighbors would keep an eye out and there was always someone who knew where we were.
We spent our days riding bikes and walking every where we went. Many days were spent on Ham Branch road playing in the creek. Back then, there was no bridge and the creek went across the road. We rambled in the Kinsey Baptist Cemetery and learned a lot about our history and family from those old headstones. Back then, there was always a Grand parent around to tell you who it was, what they did, who they were related to and how they died.We never wore shoes. By the end of the day, we had what most people now refer to as grocery store feet. Ours were dirty from good old Alabama clay and dirt. When it was time for me to come home, my Daddy would whistle really loud. Often, I was to far away to hear it but, it would travel from neighbor to neighbor until it finally reached me. "Rhonda, your Daddy is whistling for you" I knew I better run as fast as I could because once he whistled, you better get there fast.
I learned how to drive on an old VW Beetle Stick shift. I was only 13 years old. Most of us were driving at 13 and 14 and never worried about getting in trouble because that is just the way it was. As we got older, we moved from bikes to dirt bikes and then to old cars and trucks. When we turned 16, we got the old cars and our parents drove the new ones. My first vehicle was a 1970 something Chevy step side truck. We spent weekends mudding. There is nothing more fun than riding a dirt bike thru a big old mud hole! Many Saturday nights were spent at the Rocket Speedway, down the road from our house, watching the races and the nights we didn't go, we were asked by Daddy, "You want to go outside and listen to the races?" Of course we ran outside to do just that.
I learned to shoot pistols and shot guns at a young age. I was taught not to fear them but, to have respect for them. I have been deer hunting and bird hunting. Fishing in my Grandaddy's pond was a favorite past time. I could bait my own hook with worms, crickets and minnows. Although I hated to use minnows. for some reason it made me sad.
One of my jobs was to feed and water my Granny and Grandaddy's chickens and gather the eggs. I don't mean a hand full of chickens in a little chicken coop. These chickens were in a big chicken yard and some times there were any where from fifty to a hundred chickens. When we had friend chicken, it was really fresh. Once an old rooster that decided to try to spur me, ended up on Granny's table for supper,and of course he was fried up just right.
My Grandaddy once brought two little calves to their house instead of the farm. We promptly named them Festus and Miss Kitty. We played and fed those calves until they got really big. One day Grandaddy brought the trailer home and said something about taking them to slaughter. We put up such a fuss crying and carrying on, my Granny told him he shouldn't have let us get attached to them and now he was going to have to keep them so, keep them he did. I know some other cows ended up on the table but, it was okay because I never me them.
I grew up in a time where all we knew was being country. Everyone helped with the peanut harvest in the fall. It may be driving a tractor, driving trucks pulling peanut wagons to the drier or taking sandwiches and sweet tea to the field. We picked our on tomatoes, peas, squash, corn and cut okra in the early morning when it wasn't so hot. We didn't get peas already shelled. We sat around with big pans and shelled them ourselves. The rest of the day was spent in a hot steamy kitchen blanching and putting everything in bags to freeze.
I grew up in a time where everyone around here was country and redneck was not part of our world. Loud cars, mud, guns and horns that played dixie were just part of life. I grew up getting dirty, muddy, shooting guns and driving fast cars and trucks but, easily transitioned into a girly girl with makeup, big hair, halter tops and frills when ever I got the chance.
Going to a mud bog does not make you redneck, it just means you grew up country and country is all you know. I can dress up and become an elegant lady just as easy as I can put on a pair of jeans and t-shirt become country. I appreciate a nice smooth riding Mercedes but, nothing beats a jacked up truck with loud pipes. I can maneuver my way through a big city with ease but, deep down inside, I am just a country girl at heart. Life can be stressful and complicated and a hot summer night with family, watching loud trucks stirring up some mud and dust, can take you back to the simpler way of life and remind you that being country is really not so bad.
Sunday, July 12, 2015
Monday, June 9, 2014
It Is Just What A Mother Does
I recently had someone say to me "I dedicated my whole life to my children, I sacrificed everything for them" and this was said in a resentful tone. I am like....wait.....what? Isn't that what a Mother does?
It got me thinking about being a Mother. As most people know, my oldest child is twenty-nine years old which means I have been a Mother for that long but, actually my "Motherhood" started way before that. I became a "Mother" at the age of twelve........to my younger sister. I was twelve when she was born and from that day forward I became her protector and treated her as my own, more so than a sibling.
She went everywhere I went. Before I could drive, I drug her all over Kinsey with me and my friends as we played and hung out. When I got old enough to drive, she went to school dances and road around the Northside mall with me.
I taught her all I knew and tried to do everything right so that she would have a good example. I fed her, dressed her, bathed her and played with her......all the things a Mother does, yet I was her sister. That is just what a Mother does.
As a Mother, I have sacrificed and put myself on the back burner so that I could take care of my kids. It is not anything I resent......it is just something a Mother does.
To this day, I will change plans and drop anything that I have going on, to take care of any need that my children may have. That is just what a Mother does.
There have been times that I wore clothes that were just worn out, so that I could buy my three children new school clothes or make sure they had a great Christmas. That is just what a Mother does.
I have headed up committees and organizations that involved my children, even though there were other things I would rather be doing but, since it benefited my children I did it any way. That is just what a Mother does.
There have been times that I got angry with my kids but, I tried to handle the anger in a way that they knew that what they had done was wrong but, I stilled loved them. That is just what a Mother does.
I have tried to guide my children in the right direction but, I also allowed and taught them to make their own decisions. That is just what a Mother does.
I could go on and on but, you get the picture. The thing is, there has never been a second that I ever resented doing what a Mother is supposed to do.
When I look at the Woman my sister has become and the wonderful adults my three children have become, I feel nothing but pride and love......there is no resentment, there is no regret. All I feel is an all consuming love. A love with no strings attached. A love that does not expect anything in return. It is a Mothers love........ Because that kind of Loving....... is just What a Mother does.
It got me thinking about being a Mother. As most people know, my oldest child is twenty-nine years old which means I have been a Mother for that long but, actually my "Motherhood" started way before that. I became a "Mother" at the age of twelve........to my younger sister. I was twelve when she was born and from that day forward I became her protector and treated her as my own, more so than a sibling.
She went everywhere I went. Before I could drive, I drug her all over Kinsey with me and my friends as we played and hung out. When I got old enough to drive, she went to school dances and road around the Northside mall with me.
I taught her all I knew and tried to do everything right so that she would have a good example. I fed her, dressed her, bathed her and played with her......all the things a Mother does, yet I was her sister. That is just what a Mother does.
As a Mother, I have sacrificed and put myself on the back burner so that I could take care of my kids. It is not anything I resent......it is just something a Mother does.
To this day, I will change plans and drop anything that I have going on, to take care of any need that my children may have. That is just what a Mother does.
There have been times that I wore clothes that were just worn out, so that I could buy my three children new school clothes or make sure they had a great Christmas. That is just what a Mother does.
I have headed up committees and organizations that involved my children, even though there were other things I would rather be doing but, since it benefited my children I did it any way. That is just what a Mother does.
There have been times that I got angry with my kids but, I tried to handle the anger in a way that they knew that what they had done was wrong but, I stilled loved them. That is just what a Mother does.
I have tried to guide my children in the right direction but, I also allowed and taught them to make their own decisions. That is just what a Mother does.
I could go on and on but, you get the picture. The thing is, there has never been a second that I ever resented doing what a Mother is supposed to do.
When I look at the Woman my sister has become and the wonderful adults my three children have become, I feel nothing but pride and love......there is no resentment, there is no regret. All I feel is an all consuming love. A love with no strings attached. A love that does not expect anything in return. It is a Mothers love........ Because that kind of Loving....... is just What a Mother does.
Saturday, June 7, 2014
Bailey's Story
Our Bailey came into this world in October of 2007, she was one of five born to our Poodles Brandy and Whiskey. All of the puppies grew and thrived and one by one, their little eyes started to open....all except one of the smallest of the bunch. I took her to the vet and was told that her little eyes did not develop and she would be blind.
I left the vets office that day cradling this little tiny baby with tears pouring down my face. I worried about what was going to happened to her.....would she have a life and if so, what kind of life would it be.
I was told by some to have her put to sleep.....they said it wasn't fair to prolong her life knowing she would never see. All I could think to myself was......she is healthy....she is just blind. Why on earth would I end her life over something like this.
The decision was made that this sweet baby would become a permanent part of our lives. We named her Bailey. She grew and thrived and learned how to make her way in her own little world. When Bailey was a wee little thing, she would hold on to her Mama's tail so that she would know which way to go. One day.......she knew all on her own, which way to go!
Bailey grew to be a loving and trusting little one. She has never met a stranger and she will approach everyone, both human and animal, trusting that they will never bring harm to her. The funny thing was, every single dog or animal she has ever met, treated her with tender care. It is as if they know she is special.
Bailey will run and play just as hard as all the other dogs, even though she can not see. We taught her to listen to our voice so that she did not run into things. She has a sweet way of tilting her head when you talk to her. It is her way of letting you know she is listening.
Bailey learned to sit and stand on her hind legs and dance. She never learned how to chase and retrieve a ball but, she did figure out that she could chase and tackle the other poodles to the ground when THEY were chasing the ball.
Bailey always slept with Ethan until he left home. She slept under the covers, never on top. Sometimes you might see the tip of her nose sticking out a little but, that was it.
We often forget that she is actually blind. She will run full force in the yard and can chase down every dog we have. She will daintily tip toe past the trees in the yard until she gets to the open area and then she is off like a shot. She will run down the hall full force, make the corner and leap onto our bed.
Bailey is scared to pieces of the rain and thunder. The only place she is comfortable being is at home. Any where else and she shakes like a leaf.
Bailey doesn't know she is different, being blind is all she has ever known. As far as she knows everyone else is just like her. With the exception of a few things to keep her safe and to ease her way, we have never treated her any differently that all of our sighted dogs. She is such a sweet little dog, loving her is easy.
There has never been a time that we have regretted making Bailey a permanent part of our lives. She has brought nothing but, joy to our lives. She is sweet natured and happy. She is loving and smart. She has taught me that anyone or any being can overcome some of life's hardest things.
Today, our Bailey is at the vets office fighting for her life. It seems so unfair that a little dog that started out with such a rough start, should have to go through something like this now. I pray that our Bailey can fight her way through. I just can't imagine our lives without her sweet presence.
I held her in my arms all night on Wednesday night before taking her to the vet. We are now on day three of her being away from us. I pray that she will soon be in my arms again.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
The Love Of My Life
I did not realize that it has been exactly a year since I wrote in my blog. I am such a slacker! Any way. Once again, I am about to celebrate an anniversary with the Love of my Life. Thrity-one years! Wow, time has really flown by for us.
The young man that I married, thirty one years ago has become my best friend, the love of my life, my heart, my soul.....the very air that I breathe. I knew from the time I was seventeen years old, that I wanted to marry Tim Parrish, have children with him and grow old with him.......that is exactly the way my life has played out.
We started out with young exciting love and now that love has grown into mature, strong, secure and yes even more exciting love. When you are young and in love, you can not even imagine the true forever love that it turns into.
We have had our ups and downs but, we have worked through those times together and have become stronger not only individually but, also as a couple. I know this mans thoughts before he ever puts them into words. I know his likes and dislikes, I know how to make him laugh and I know what to say to make him feel better. And, you know what? He knows me in the same way.
Even after 31 years of marriage and almost 33 years together, my heart still skips a beat when he walks in the door. Hearing his voice still sends a thrill through my heart. Most of all, seeing the pride he has in our children and watching his heart melting smile when he looks at our grand son Clayton, just makes me fall even more in love with him.
To the love of my life.......my soul mate......my best friend. I love you more today than I did yesterday and I love you less today than I will tomorrow.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Marriage Is Like A Pot of Soup
Today is the day that Me and Tim celebrate thirty years of marriage. Hard to believe we have been married that long! One thing I have learned about marriage is.....it is a lot like a good pot of home made soup!
You start out throwing in your main ingredients. Well, we all know that just throwing a couple of things in a pot doesn't make soup. You taste it and if it is not just right, you make adjustments. You may throw in a few spices to liven things up. You set it to simmer. Don't let it simmer too long though.......you have to stir it up every now and then. Don't set the heat to high or it will boil over or worse it will scorch. You don't want to have to throw it out and start over! You sometimes try to stick to a recipe but, we all know that sometimes you have to make it your own and not someones elses! With a lot of attention, patience, imagination and adjustment anyone can have a perfect pot of soup!
I will not sit here and pretend that our marriage is perfect. There is no such thing. We work at it every day. There have been times that we have almost wanted to give up but, we didn't. We knew that what we had was worth fighting for. We have learned to add the spices when needed. We have learned when to stir it, when to raise the heat and when to let it simmer for a while. Most of all, we have learned to add the right ingredients to make a marriage. A marriage that has made it through thirty years of happiness, heartache, joy, sorrow, laughter and at times confusion. In the end what we have is a house full of beautiful children, a perfect grandbaby and each other. Always each other! What more can we ask.......we have an almost perfect pot of soup!
You start out throwing in your main ingredients. Well, we all know that just throwing a couple of things in a pot doesn't make soup. You taste it and if it is not just right, you make adjustments. You may throw in a few spices to liven things up. You set it to simmer. Don't let it simmer too long though.......you have to stir it up every now and then. Don't set the heat to high or it will boil over or worse it will scorch. You don't want to have to throw it out and start over! You sometimes try to stick to a recipe but, we all know that sometimes you have to make it your own and not someones elses! With a lot of attention, patience, imagination and adjustment anyone can have a perfect pot of soup!
I will not sit here and pretend that our marriage is perfect. There is no such thing. We work at it every day. There have been times that we have almost wanted to give up but, we didn't. We knew that what we had was worth fighting for. We have learned to add the spices when needed. We have learned when to stir it, when to raise the heat and when to let it simmer for a while. Most of all, we have learned to add the right ingredients to make a marriage. A marriage that has made it through thirty years of happiness, heartache, joy, sorrow, laughter and at times confusion. In the end what we have is a house full of beautiful children, a perfect grandbaby and each other. Always each other! What more can we ask.......we have an almost perfect pot of soup!
Monday, March 5, 2012
Lost And Found
A little over four years ago, I lost a part of myself. I also found something that night and it is not something I wanted. On that night, I lost my joy and I found fear.
For those of you who know me, you know about that life changing night and there is no need for details. Just suffice it to say, it was the worst night of my life.
Laughter and joy have always been such a huge part of me and that night it went away. That part of me was lost and I did not know if I would ever get it back again.
That night I also found fear. A deep abiding fear. A fear that has become my constant companion. Without my joy, I wondered, would I be able to overcome the fear? At times the fear was so overwhelming, I could not breathe. I could feel it clawing at my throat and even devouring my soul.
Over the weeks and months, I found myself able to smile and even laugh but, I never felt like it reached my heart or my eyes. I often wondered if people could see that I was no longer me.
Over the years, I have gradually gained back pieces of me and most of the time I can keep the fear at bay. Sometimes, it still overtakes me and I feel like I am about to suffocate. When I get like that, I find myself withdrawing into myself and not allowing anyone in. I don't want anyone to see that fear......that evil, horrible fear.
My greatest joy was when I was with my kids and Tim. Even then, I could still feel a piece of me that just couldn't let go and open enough to feel that complete and utter joy! On November 22, 2011, I was able to watch as my first grandchild came into this world. As I saw that wonderful miracle appear, take his first breath and heard his first cry, I felt something loosen in my heart and spill out. That small piece of my heart, was suddenly filled with that complete utter joy that I had been looking for. That little bitty boy gave me back my joy, that thing that had been taken from me was given back!
Since his birth, I have felt peace and joy again. My laughter is back and it is the kind of laughter that comes from deep within. My heart is light again. I am able to enjoy everything in my life without guilt. I know now that I deserve to be happy.
While the fear is still there, it is not the biggest part of my life. The joy and laughter I have with my husband and kids helps to keep the fear at bay. While that night will ALWAYS be a part of me.....it is no longer WHO I am. I am the person who likes to joke around.....I am the person who can be serious when I need to be but, I am the person who would much rather be laughing. Mostly, I am the person I have been trying to be........and that is..........ME! What was one time lost, has been found! I have finally found ME!
For those of you who know me, you know about that life changing night and there is no need for details. Just suffice it to say, it was the worst night of my life.
Laughter and joy have always been such a huge part of me and that night it went away. That part of me was lost and I did not know if I would ever get it back again.
That night I also found fear. A deep abiding fear. A fear that has become my constant companion. Without my joy, I wondered, would I be able to overcome the fear? At times the fear was so overwhelming, I could not breathe. I could feel it clawing at my throat and even devouring my soul.
Over the weeks and months, I found myself able to smile and even laugh but, I never felt like it reached my heart or my eyes. I often wondered if people could see that I was no longer me.
Over the years, I have gradually gained back pieces of me and most of the time I can keep the fear at bay. Sometimes, it still overtakes me and I feel like I am about to suffocate. When I get like that, I find myself withdrawing into myself and not allowing anyone in. I don't want anyone to see that fear......that evil, horrible fear.
My greatest joy was when I was with my kids and Tim. Even then, I could still feel a piece of me that just couldn't let go and open enough to feel that complete and utter joy! On November 22, 2011, I was able to watch as my first grandchild came into this world. As I saw that wonderful miracle appear, take his first breath and heard his first cry, I felt something loosen in my heart and spill out. That small piece of my heart, was suddenly filled with that complete utter joy that I had been looking for. That little bitty boy gave me back my joy, that thing that had been taken from me was given back!
Since his birth, I have felt peace and joy again. My laughter is back and it is the kind of laughter that comes from deep within. My heart is light again. I am able to enjoy everything in my life without guilt. I know now that I deserve to be happy.
While the fear is still there, it is not the biggest part of my life. The joy and laughter I have with my husband and kids helps to keep the fear at bay. While that night will ALWAYS be a part of me.....it is no longer WHO I am. I am the person who likes to joke around.....I am the person who can be serious when I need to be but, I am the person who would much rather be laughing. Mostly, I am the person I have been trying to be........and that is..........ME! What was one time lost, has been found! I have finally found ME!
Thursday, February 16, 2012
The Baby Turns Eighteen
On February 17th, 18 years ago, our baby girl was born. This is the child that we did not plan but, God thought we deserved her. That is why I have always called her our bonus baby. We had two perfect boys but, we got an extra treat.....We got Hayden!
It is hard to believe that 18 years ago, we were so worried about our little girl. She was so very sick and we did not know if she was going to make it. I kept telling myself she was going to be fine and I just wish that it was 10 years or 15 years from now and this would all be a distant memory. Here we are 18 years later and yes, it is a distant memory.
Even back then, I made my way through life by keeping a journal. Back then, I had never even heard of an online blog.......I just wrote it all down on paper. This is a small passage from that time.
"I have done good in front of everyone, now I am in the car with Tim, praying my baby makes it to Montgomery alive. I feel so helpless. I have to cry. I am so scared. I know that God gave her to us for a reason and he won't take her away. I have complete trust but, I am still so scared."
Even after all these years, I can't read this journal without crying. When I read this, it takes me back 18 years ago. I am however so thankful, that all these years later. Our baby is a healthy beautiful young woman.
Hayden is artistic, funny, quirky and frankly just does her own thing. What other people think does not matter to her. She is true to herself and the values she has been taught.
She is loved by her brothers, has her Daddy wrapped around her finger and she is my joy! Hayden is loved and adored and she is secure in that love.
Happy 18th Birthday my beautiful, precious daughter! I love you!
It is hard to believe that 18 years ago, we were so worried about our little girl. She was so very sick and we did not know if she was going to make it. I kept telling myself she was going to be fine and I just wish that it was 10 years or 15 years from now and this would all be a distant memory. Here we are 18 years later and yes, it is a distant memory.
Even back then, I made my way through life by keeping a journal. Back then, I had never even heard of an online blog.......I just wrote it all down on paper. This is a small passage from that time.
"I have done good in front of everyone, now I am in the car with Tim, praying my baby makes it to Montgomery alive. I feel so helpless. I have to cry. I am so scared. I know that God gave her to us for a reason and he won't take her away. I have complete trust but, I am still so scared."
Even after all these years, I can't read this journal without crying. When I read this, it takes me back 18 years ago. I am however so thankful, that all these years later. Our baby is a healthy beautiful young woman.
Hayden is artistic, funny, quirky and frankly just does her own thing. What other people think does not matter to her. She is true to herself and the values she has been taught.
She is loved by her brothers, has her Daddy wrapped around her finger and she is my joy! Hayden is loved and adored and she is secure in that love.
Happy 18th Birthday my beautiful, precious daughter! I love you!
Sunday, January 29, 2012
A Different Way Of Looking At Things
The other night, me and Tim where having a deep conversation. I realized at that time that the way we each look at life is so different in a lot of ways. Tim asked the question.....why do all these bad things keep happening to us? I ask him......why do all these GOOD things keep happening to us.
A little over four years ago I was very close to not being here any longer. Why I was spared, I don't know. I do know that I don't want to waste a second with what ifs and negative thoughts. While things in our lives are not perfect and yes we do face many challenges, hardships and heart ache, we also have so many happy, wonderful things that happen too.
I told Tim that he was dwelling on the bad things and those things are so small compared to the many good things that have happened to us. As I began to point out all the good things, he began to see what I was talking about.
We have three beautiful children, two new precious daughters and the most gorgeous new grand baby in the world. We have a home, good jobs, we are able to pay our bills and while we are far from being millionaires, we are able to do some things we enjoy without worry. Would I rather be a millionaire? Well duh! Who wouldn't? But, you know what......I am content. Isn't that a good thing?
We will always have challenges and rough spots but, we have each other. I will cry tears over the heartaches of my children, I will worry about them and it will hurt when I can't fix everything for them but, I will always love them and be there for them. There is nothing that we will ever face, that as a family, we can't overcome.
One of the most important things I have learned is to turn it all over to God. This is so hard to do and I am the worlds worst about turning it over to him and then trying to take it back. This is something I am working on.
I choose to live my life looking for the good. I choose to live it with humor. I also choose to live it with love.....lots and lots of love. In other words......I just choose to live a life of contentment!
A little over four years ago I was very close to not being here any longer. Why I was spared, I don't know. I do know that I don't want to waste a second with what ifs and negative thoughts. While things in our lives are not perfect and yes we do face many challenges, hardships and heart ache, we also have so many happy, wonderful things that happen too.
I told Tim that he was dwelling on the bad things and those things are so small compared to the many good things that have happened to us. As I began to point out all the good things, he began to see what I was talking about.
We have three beautiful children, two new precious daughters and the most gorgeous new grand baby in the world. We have a home, good jobs, we are able to pay our bills and while we are far from being millionaires, we are able to do some things we enjoy without worry. Would I rather be a millionaire? Well duh! Who wouldn't? But, you know what......I am content. Isn't that a good thing?
We will always have challenges and rough spots but, we have each other. I will cry tears over the heartaches of my children, I will worry about them and it will hurt when I can't fix everything for them but, I will always love them and be there for them. There is nothing that we will ever face, that as a family, we can't overcome.
One of the most important things I have learned is to turn it all over to God. This is so hard to do and I am the worlds worst about turning it over to him and then trying to take it back. This is something I am working on.
I choose to live my life looking for the good. I choose to live it with humor. I also choose to live it with love.....lots and lots of love. In other words......I just choose to live a life of contentment!
Thursday, January 26, 2012
The Tim Nobody Knows
To give you a little back ground.....I met Tim for the first time when I was six years old, in the first grade, at Headland Elementary School! Back then he was known as Timmy. Actually, I called him Timmy until our oldest was a few years old. He came home one day and said "Don't call me Timmy......that is a kids name" Mmkay. If you ever hear anyone call him Timmy, you can bet they went to school with us. Any way. We were friends all through school and did not start dating until November of our senior year.
All girls want that boy that is sweet and thoughtful but, there sure is something about a bad boy....you know what I mean? Well, with Tim, I got all of it rolled into one.
Tim is quiet and really kind of shy. He is not comfortable talking in front of a lot of people and especially people he is not close to. I guess this is why he comes off as being standoffish. Tim can be strong, unbending and tough when he needs to be but, with us he is loving and caring. He has a tender heart even though he doesn't want people to know. Tim protects himself and his feelings by having that tough exterior. Tim doesn't show his emotions or show excitement but, I know him so well that I can see it in his face.
Tim can drive me crazy at times.....he tells me all the time...."don't you put my picture on facebook"....and of course I always tell him I won't.....so don't tell on me! He likes to argue with me about stupid stuff just to see if he can get me riled up. I of course get back at him by aggravating the stew out of him. He complains about all of the dogs and having to take care of them but, he turns around and sneaks them food off his plate and lets them sit all over him in his chair.
Tim never wanted a daughter, I found out when our Hayden came along, it was because he knew he would turn to mush with her. Hayden, at almost eighteen years old, still sits in her Daddy's lap. They laugh and act silly together all the time.
When we were waiting for Clayton to arrive, I asked Tim, aren't you just a little bit excited? He said "I am very excited but, don't tell anyone, you might ruin my reputation!" He told me the other night "I sure do love that little booger.....he has my heart"
After all these years, he can still make me smile.......hearing his voice on the phone just makes my day and watching him walk in the door still makes my heart skip a beat. Watching him talk to our two boys and love on our daughter just melts me inside. He makes me laugh.......everyone needs to marry someone who makes them laugh!
The Tim I know is a loving Daddy and Husband. I just wish everyone could know the Tim I know!
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
My New Grand Baby
Back a while back, I posted about the little detour in our lives. I have been very remiss about updating everyone on this detour!
Our little Clayton made his appearance on November 22nd! He is beautiful and perfect in every way. On that day, I watched so many people fall completely in love with this little one. He has brought a joy into our lives that I never thought possible.
While this wee one was a detour that we weren't expecting.......he has been the best detour we have ever taken! His Daddy along with friends and family, prepared a home for the three of them. His Mommy did every thing right to make sure he came into this world the way he was supposed to. While his Daddy's plans for school changed, he is now doing what he wanted to do most. He is now a fireman! Little Clayton's Mommy will start her school and new job in a few days.
As I said before, Our lives sometimes take detours that we have not planned but, we always end up exactly where we are supposed to be!
Welcome to our world Clayton Allen!
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Prayer, Healing And Believing
We were having a conversation today about healing and prayer. It made me start thinking about some of the times that I KNOW that I was a witness or recipient of healing through prayer. Some of my family and close friends know of these times but, I feel the need to share them here with all of you.
One of the first times I was given the gift of healing through prayer was when I was about a year old. My Granny was cooking in the kitchen and had opened the oven and I walked forward and fell on the oven door, severely burning my hands. My Granny had my Mother take me to a lady in our community who could "talk" fire out of burns. When we got there, I had my hands clenched so tight that she told them there was nothing she could do. I was taken to the doctor instead. My hands were bandaged for a long time and I was left with these really bad purple scars. My Mother had me at church and was looking at my hands and began to pray. Within a few days, those purple scars were gone and all I was left with was a couple of scars that unless I show them to you......you can not even see.
When my middle son Ethan was born, his blood work kept coming back showing that he had a serious blood disorder. They tested his blood a couple of times and each time it came back showing the same results. The doctor told me to bring him back when he was a couple of weeks old and they would do the blood work again. If it came back the same, we would be sent to Birmingham to a specialist. The day I took Ethan to the doctor, his little arms were so tiny that they had to cut a rubber band to tie around his arm to even be able to draw the blood. When I got him home I laid him in his crib and as he slept, I laid my hands on his back and prayed that God heal him and take this away from him. Two days later, the results came back and he was perfectly normal. To be safe it was checked a few more times and each time it was normal! The doctor could not explain it but.........I could!
This is a photo of Ethan sleeping just before I laid my hands on him and prayed!
As many of you may know, our baby, Hayden was really sick when she was born. Most of you probably don't know the whole story. When I was about eight months pregnant, I called the pediatrician to find out what their fee would be for her hospital check up. I was told that it was such and such amount and that I would have to pay that because it was considered well baby care. She then told me, now if the baby is sick or has anything wrong, the insurance will pay it all. Well, of course I laughed and told her "that's okay.....we will be glad to pay out of pocket!" After I hung up the phone, it was as if everything around me just went away and all I heard was this voice saying "there WILL be something wrong but, it will be alright.....you will get through this" I told two people about this, my Mother and Tim. Of course they acted like I was crazy and just laughed it off. Then, when my baby was born and she was so sick, no one could understand why I was so calm and able to deal with it the way I did. It was almost like they were mad at me. I explained to them what had happened and what I knew. Now, don't get me wrong, there were times that it all got the best of me, I cried and I was scared but, I ALWAYS had a peace about everything. You see, I had already been told it was going to be alright and I believe to this day that God spoke to me and gave me that reassurance and because I believed........Everything was okay.
Hayden in the NICU in Montgomery, AL when she was so sick!
Every day we witness miracles and answered prayers. Some things are really big and profound and other times it may be something small, but just as important. Some may not believe as I do but, I know the things that have happened in my life and I believe!
Isn't it a wonderful thing to know that through prayer, God can heal, soothe and bring us peace!
One of the first times I was given the gift of healing through prayer was when I was about a year old. My Granny was cooking in the kitchen and had opened the oven and I walked forward and fell on the oven door, severely burning my hands. My Granny had my Mother take me to a lady in our community who could "talk" fire out of burns. When we got there, I had my hands clenched so tight that she told them there was nothing she could do. I was taken to the doctor instead. My hands were bandaged for a long time and I was left with these really bad purple scars. My Mother had me at church and was looking at my hands and began to pray. Within a few days, those purple scars were gone and all I was left with was a couple of scars that unless I show them to you......you can not even see.
When my middle son Ethan was born, his blood work kept coming back showing that he had a serious blood disorder. They tested his blood a couple of times and each time it came back showing the same results. The doctor told me to bring him back when he was a couple of weeks old and they would do the blood work again. If it came back the same, we would be sent to Birmingham to a specialist. The day I took Ethan to the doctor, his little arms were so tiny that they had to cut a rubber band to tie around his arm to even be able to draw the blood. When I got him home I laid him in his crib and as he slept, I laid my hands on his back and prayed that God heal him and take this away from him. Two days later, the results came back and he was perfectly normal. To be safe it was checked a few more times and each time it was normal! The doctor could not explain it but.........I could!
As many of you may know, our baby, Hayden was really sick when she was born. Most of you probably don't know the whole story. When I was about eight months pregnant, I called the pediatrician to find out what their fee would be for her hospital check up. I was told that it was such and such amount and that I would have to pay that because it was considered well baby care. She then told me, now if the baby is sick or has anything wrong, the insurance will pay it all. Well, of course I laughed and told her "that's okay.....we will be glad to pay out of pocket!" After I hung up the phone, it was as if everything around me just went away and all I heard was this voice saying "there WILL be something wrong but, it will be alright.....you will get through this" I told two people about this, my Mother and Tim. Of course they acted like I was crazy and just laughed it off. Then, when my baby was born and she was so sick, no one could understand why I was so calm and able to deal with it the way I did. It was almost like they were mad at me. I explained to them what had happened and what I knew. Now, don't get me wrong, there were times that it all got the best of me, I cried and I was scared but, I ALWAYS had a peace about everything. You see, I had already been told it was going to be alright and I believe to this day that God spoke to me and gave me that reassurance and because I believed........Everything was okay.
Every day we witness miracles and answered prayers. Some things are really big and profound and other times it may be something small, but just as important. Some may not believe as I do but, I know the things that have happened in my life and I believe!
Isn't it a wonderful thing to know that through prayer, God can heal, soothe and bring us peace!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Born To Be Romantic Or Learned
I admit it.......I am a romantic at heart. My husband Tim is just not! He tries but, it just does not come easy to him. Tim does not understand that sometimes very simple things can be so romantic. I don't want him sending me flowera on Valentines day because that is one of those times he feels like he has to......that is not romantic. When he buys me a card instead, that means so much more for me. That meant that he had to physically walk in a store and choose the "right" card. So far he has nailed this one. He can handle special occasions but, it is the spontaneous unexpected moments that he needs to work on. Occasionally I will wake up and he has left me a little note stuck to my makeup case that simply says......" I Love You"! That gets me every time. Romance doesn't always have to be something big.
Where does a romantic person get it from. Do they learn it or is it something just ingrained in you some way. My boys can both be romantic. My oldest Zachary, took Erica to Disney World and booked the Cinderella's Castle dinner. That is where he proposed to her! I thought that was a very sweet and romantic thing to do!
When Taylor asked his now fiance Taylor our for their first date, he did the sweetest thing. He bought a rose and took it to school. He went to her first class and left the rose and a note asking her if she would do the honor of being his date for homecoming, and left it on her desk. How sweet and romantic was that?
Did they learn these kind of things from me or is it just in their makeup to be thoughtful and caring enough to know how to make things special? I hope I have taught them but, I also love the idea that they were just born to be kind, thoughtful men who have a romantic flair!
Who knows where it comes from but, as Mothers, we need to try to teach our children about being thoughtful and kind. I think when these things are ingrained in them, the romance just comes along with that!
While Tim is not the most romantic person in the world he has had his very special moments. When our oldest was born, he came in the room carrying a bouquet of my favorite flowers.....yellow roses! I still have them! I have all kind of little notes on scraps of papers that just have sweet little message on them. He also has his moment when I think hmmmmmmm. After having my back surgery, I had to wear my hear piled in a pony tail with no makeup for weeks on end. Finally one day, I was able to take a good shower and I put on makeup and washed and rolled my hair and put on real clothes. This is the comment I got......"Mama.....you sure do look pretty tonight......you know you have been looking pretty old and haggy looking the last few weeks but, you look alright tonight!" LOL......how in the heck do you take that? He DID tell me I looked good but, I am not sure I needed to know how bad I had been looking! Bless his heart.....he meant well.
Of course, my comment back to him didn't sit real well with him.....I told him "well, you see, I have been trying to dress down so the old man I live with wouldn't feel so bad about how he looks!" Thank goodness we are secure in the love we have for each other! LOL
Where does a romantic person get it from. Do they learn it or is it something just ingrained in you some way. My boys can both be romantic. My oldest Zachary, took Erica to Disney World and booked the Cinderella's Castle dinner. That is where he proposed to her! I thought that was a very sweet and romantic thing to do!
When Taylor asked his now fiance Taylor our for their first date, he did the sweetest thing. He bought a rose and took it to school. He went to her first class and left the rose and a note asking her if she would do the honor of being his date for homecoming, and left it on her desk. How sweet and romantic was that?
Did they learn these kind of things from me or is it just in their makeup to be thoughtful and caring enough to know how to make things special? I hope I have taught them but, I also love the idea that they were just born to be kind, thoughtful men who have a romantic flair!
Who knows where it comes from but, as Mothers, we need to try to teach our children about being thoughtful and kind. I think when these things are ingrained in them, the romance just comes along with that!
While Tim is not the most romantic person in the world he has had his very special moments. When our oldest was born, he came in the room carrying a bouquet of my favorite flowers.....yellow roses! I still have them! I have all kind of little notes on scraps of papers that just have sweet little message on them. He also has his moment when I think hmmmmmmm. After having my back surgery, I had to wear my hear piled in a pony tail with no makeup for weeks on end. Finally one day, I was able to take a good shower and I put on makeup and washed and rolled my hair and put on real clothes. This is the comment I got......"Mama.....you sure do look pretty tonight......you know you have been looking pretty old and haggy looking the last few weeks but, you look alright tonight!" LOL......how in the heck do you take that? He DID tell me I looked good but, I am not sure I needed to know how bad I had been looking! Bless his heart.....he meant well.
Of course, my comment back to him didn't sit real well with him.....I told him "well, you see, I have been trying to dress down so the old man I live with wouldn't feel so bad about how he looks!" Thank goodness we are secure in the love we have for each other! LOL
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Kids, Sacrifice and Appreciation
As a parent, I often ask myself....."do my kids appreciate everything I have done for them?" I know all parents have to ask themselves this at times. You wonder if they appreciate the sacrifice or even realize a sacrifice was even made. Did they see how hard you worked to make sure they had all that they needed or wanted? Do they realize how full of love your heart is for them? Do they realize that when they hurt you hurt even worse? Did they notice, feel, see or hear everything you did and said?
Recently, I have realized that without even saying a word, my kids have shown me that they indeed did notice! I watch my children as young adults and see them living their lives in the way that I taught them. Their Daddy and I did not always teach them by words but, maybe more by actions and deeds.
I watch as Hayden, a Junior in high school works so hard on her homework. I have watched her overcome a learning disability to not only make A's & B's but to also pass her exit exam in the first try. She is taking geometry and chemistry this semester. At one point we discussed her dropping chemistry because it is such a hard course but, she would have none of it. She is determined to take it and pass it! She could have said "what the heck, I don't have to take this, I will just quit" but, she didn't. She has learned to work hard to reach her goal and she even sacrifices her play time to study instead. I watched as my baby girl took care of me after my back surgery. She cooked, fetched carried and cleaned for me and not one time did she complain or act resentful. She would lay in bed and giggle at youtube video's with me and was constantly coming to see if I needed anything. She spent her summer taking care of me......how many seventeen year old girls would do that with such a good attitude?
I have watched as my oldest Zachary has gone from an eighteen year old kid who had no idea what he wanted to do with his life,to go on to become a fireman/paramedic. Zachary did not always have an easy time in school and he did not always "fit" with some of the kids he went to school with. He was often harassed and excluded but, he never once let that get to him. He knew how much we loved him and we taught him that he could be anything he wanted to be and what others thought of him did not matter. To say that Zachary is a fireman/paramedic really does not explain what this child has accomplished. He has a true fear of heights and as you may know a fireman has to go up really tall buildings and ladders yet, this has never stopped him. He has passed every test and registry he has taken. He now works three jobs and volunteers! Yes, I said three! He works as a full time fireman in Dothan, and he works as an paramedic fireman in Headland and Abbeville. He is also now working as an auxiliary policeman in Headland. He is a busy young man to say the least! Oh, and all those kids that were not so nice to him in school......he would stop to help them in a heart beat and not think twice about it.
For my Ethan, the last few months have shown us and him that life can throw you a curve or as I like to call it.......a detour! In just a few short months, Ethan will become a Daddy. Of course as a parent, you want your children to grow up and become parents but, this was a little sooner than we had planned. Ethan has taken the responsibility of becoming a young parent by the horns. He is working hard at his job at the hospital and on his days off, he works to completely remodel a home for his little family! He goes to the doctors appointments with Taylor. He worries about Taylor and tries to make sure that she is comfortable and has everything she needs. He does all of this with a smile on his face, at times it is a very tired smile but, a smile just the same. He has already learned about the sacrifices you make for your children. There were some things he would have "liked" to have done to fix his truck up but, he just smiled and said "I guess that will just have to wait!"
Watching my kids as they have become young adults, I have realized that they DID appreciate and see the things that we did for them! I know this because they are living their lives in the way we lived ours. They are making sacrifices, they are working hard to provide for their families and reach their goals. Even though they may not say it all the time, I know that my kids do appreciate all that we did for them. They don't have to tell me. Watching them become the kind, hard working and forgiving young people that they have is thanks enough.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Just Not Myself
Tomorrow will be two weeks since my back surgery and.......well......I am just not myself......still. I am the type person that meets every obstacle head on. I don't let it get me down and I work hard to get back to where I want to be. THIS has gotten the best of me.
I don't know why this is so different. Maybe part of it is because this is just not what I wanted. I think that even though I had two months to adjust to the fact that I HAD to have this surgery, I just could not mentally prepare myself for what was to come.
I fought this for as long as I could and when it came down to it, nothing I did mattered. I still had to have this surgery. I feel like I let myself down. Maybe I did not work hard enough or something......I just don't know.
I have always been a fighter.....always. I have always powered through regardless of the obstacle. I had three babies without any pain medication at all, I have suffered through injuries from an accident that included a dislocated shoulder, fractured back and my pelvic bone was fractured in three places and I fought my way to the other side. I just don't understand why this is so hard.
Granted, this is the worst pain I have ever been in and I also have the underlying fear that this may not fix it. I am just so tired. I also am having to do something that I hate more than anything and that is depend on others for just about everything. I despise that. Everyone keeps saying oh sit back and enjoy it......let them take care of you for a while........they just don't understand.......I don't enjoy it......at all. I am happiest when I am taking care of others and I am at my most miserable when I have to let others take care of me.
I have always been the caretaker......always. Even though my brother was only three years younger than me, I still watched over him and stepped in when I needed to. I was okay with that I love him so much and taking care of him makes me happy.
Then there is my sister. She was born when I was twelve and from the moment she was born, she was mine. I raised her. I took care of her and I was never more happy than when I was taking care of her. I have never resented it......ever. I loved it.....she was and still is my world.
Then you have my kids. I have always taken care of them. I wanted them to have a childhood full of fun. I have taught them to be responsible but, I have never dumped the weight of the world off on them. My happiest times are when I am doing things for my kids. My most miserable times is when I have to ask them to take care of me........I hate that.
Then there is Tim. He is being so good. He is washing clothes, shopping and taking care of me and I hate it. He is working twelve to fourteen hour days in the heat and them coming home to take care of me. It makes me miserable.
Today has not been a good day. I am tired of lying around. I can only sit in a hard chair straight up for thirty minutes at the time while wearing a brace. It is not a pleasure at all. I can't even sit or lie on the couch because it is too soft. I am stuck in the bedroom by myself with nothing to do. I have already read eight books and I am tired of reading. I want to be productive. I want to be a part of life again. I am just not myself right now.
I know that it will get better and I will look back at this post later and call myself a wienie and a whiner but, for now.......today.......this is the way I feel and frankly...........I AM JUST NOT MYSELF!!!!
I don't know why this is so different. Maybe part of it is because this is just not what I wanted. I think that even though I had two months to adjust to the fact that I HAD to have this surgery, I just could not mentally prepare myself for what was to come.
I fought this for as long as I could and when it came down to it, nothing I did mattered. I still had to have this surgery. I feel like I let myself down. Maybe I did not work hard enough or something......I just don't know.
I have always been a fighter.....always. I have always powered through regardless of the obstacle. I had three babies without any pain medication at all, I have suffered through injuries from an accident that included a dislocated shoulder, fractured back and my pelvic bone was fractured in three places and I fought my way to the other side. I just don't understand why this is so hard.
Granted, this is the worst pain I have ever been in and I also have the underlying fear that this may not fix it. I am just so tired. I also am having to do something that I hate more than anything and that is depend on others for just about everything. I despise that. Everyone keeps saying oh sit back and enjoy it......let them take care of you for a while........they just don't understand.......I don't enjoy it......at all. I am happiest when I am taking care of others and I am at my most miserable when I have to let others take care of me.
I have always been the caretaker......always. Even though my brother was only three years younger than me, I still watched over him and stepped in when I needed to. I was okay with that I love him so much and taking care of him makes me happy.
Then there is my sister. She was born when I was twelve and from the moment she was born, she was mine. I raised her. I took care of her and I was never more happy than when I was taking care of her. I have never resented it......ever. I loved it.....she was and still is my world.
Then you have my kids. I have always taken care of them. I wanted them to have a childhood full of fun. I have taught them to be responsible but, I have never dumped the weight of the world off on them. My happiest times are when I am doing things for my kids. My most miserable times is when I have to ask them to take care of me........I hate that.
Then there is Tim. He is being so good. He is washing clothes, shopping and taking care of me and I hate it. He is working twelve to fourteen hour days in the heat and them coming home to take care of me. It makes me miserable.
Today has not been a good day. I am tired of lying around. I can only sit in a hard chair straight up for thirty minutes at the time while wearing a brace. It is not a pleasure at all. I can't even sit or lie on the couch because it is too soft. I am stuck in the bedroom by myself with nothing to do. I have already read eight books and I am tired of reading. I want to be productive. I want to be a part of life again. I am just not myself right now.
I know that it will get better and I will look back at this post later and call myself a wienie and a whiner but, for now.......today.......this is the way I feel and frankly...........I AM JUST NOT MYSELF!!!!
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Fathers Day
What better day than Father's day to tell you about some of my special Daddy's! First the number one Daddy in my life......T!
While T can come off as being a hard gruff person, he truly is not. Especially when it comes to our kids. He is one of the most proud loving Daddys I know. He is not always quick with his praise for his kids but, it is not because he is not proud of them, it is just that he doesn't always know how to put into words, how he feels.
The joy on his face each time we found out we had another baby on the way is a picture I can see in my mind even today! The tender way he looked at each of them when they were born just took my breath away. It made me fall even more in love with him. I knew that I had not only picked the right person for me.......I had chosen the best Daddy for my kids.
When T gets a chance to spend some one on one time with the kids, it just brightens his day. Something as simple as going to get gun permits with Zachary or spending a long weekend at the beach with all of them, can just light up his world. When one of them comes to him just to talk he becomes a different person, he lights up and he is so thrilled that they needed him!
Tim is basically quiet and has a hard time expressing himself but, through his actions, his kids know just how much they are loved. He may huff and puff sometimes but, when it is all said and done......he loves those three kids more than they will ever know.
The other Daddy is my Daddy. After many years of not being a part of my life, my Daddy is once again a BIG part of my life. We almost lost my Daddy and I thank the Lord we didn't. Me, my brother and my sister were able to go visit him when he was sick and reconnect and establish a new relationship with him.
I have missed my Daddy through out the years but, now I have him again and I will not let him go. When my phone rings and the caller ID say Daddy......it just gives my heart a lift! I recently got the chance to go out to eat with him and my brother.(another special Daddy!) It was one of the best nights I have ever had. To be able to have two of the most important men in my life together with me, was more special than I can even begin to explain.
On this Fathers day, I have a sense of peace and contentment that I have not had in a very long time. I think it is because of the special Daddy's I have in my life. T, my brother and my Daddy. What more could I ask for?
While T can come off as being a hard gruff person, he truly is not. Especially when it comes to our kids. He is one of the most proud loving Daddys I know. He is not always quick with his praise for his kids but, it is not because he is not proud of them, it is just that he doesn't always know how to put into words, how he feels.
The joy on his face each time we found out we had another baby on the way is a picture I can see in my mind even today! The tender way he looked at each of them when they were born just took my breath away. It made me fall even more in love with him. I knew that I had not only picked the right person for me.......I had chosen the best Daddy for my kids.
When T gets a chance to spend some one on one time with the kids, it just brightens his day. Something as simple as going to get gun permits with Zachary or spending a long weekend at the beach with all of them, can just light up his world. When one of them comes to him just to talk he becomes a different person, he lights up and he is so thrilled that they needed him!
Tim is basically quiet and has a hard time expressing himself but, through his actions, his kids know just how much they are loved. He may huff and puff sometimes but, when it is all said and done......he loves those three kids more than they will ever know.
The other Daddy is my Daddy. After many years of not being a part of my life, my Daddy is once again a BIG part of my life. We almost lost my Daddy and I thank the Lord we didn't. Me, my brother and my sister were able to go visit him when he was sick and reconnect and establish a new relationship with him.
I have missed my Daddy through out the years but, now I have him again and I will not let him go. When my phone rings and the caller ID say Daddy......it just gives my heart a lift! I recently got the chance to go out to eat with him and my brother.(another special Daddy!) It was one of the best nights I have ever had. To be able to have two of the most important men in my life together with me, was more special than I can even begin to explain.
On this Fathers day, I have a sense of peace and contentment that I have not had in a very long time. I think it is because of the special Daddy's I have in my life. T, my brother and my Daddy. What more could I ask for?
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Thoughts From The Twilight Zone
As I am preparing to go into surgery and enter the Twilight Zone, my thoughts are of my family and friends. I know that this is pretty much a routine surgery but, you know as well as I do that things can happen that we are not expecting.
So, to my family, I want you to know how much you mean to me. I tell you I love you all the time but, do you really know just how much. It is hard to explain the overwhelming feeling of love I have for you. If you ever wonder, just go back and read some of my blog post. I am so proud of my three kids. You have made my world so much brighter than I could have ever imagined. T, you are the love of my life, my best friend and my soul mate. To my daughter in law and my future daughter in law. I love you two more than you will ever know. You have made my two boys so happy and for that I will forever be thankful. To my unborn grand baby, I already love you and I don't even know if you are a girl or boy. It doesn't matter! You are already living in my heart.
To my brother and sister. You are my world. My life would not be complete without you. I am thankful every day for the closeness we have. To my Mama, I love you and I thank you for all they things that you have taught me. Thank you for keeping me in church for all those years. You knew where I needed to be. To my Daddy. I am so thankful and happy that you are back in my life. I am also thankful that you have brought Emily into my life. She is a gem and I am so glad you have each other. I love you Daddy.
To all my nieces and nephews.....I love you more than words can say. You have brought joy to my life and should always know that I am so proud of each and every one of you!
To my Mother in law Martha, thank you so much for being so much more than a mother in law. You have been a friend. You have supported us and loved us and you are special to me. To my father in law Jerry. Thank you for being who you are. You are always there when we need you and I know how much you love us.
To my many Aunts, Uncles and cousins. I love each and every one of you and I am so thankful that I am a part of such a big loving family!
To my many friends. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and your support. You have picked me up on days that I just knew I would never be able to get up again. I love each and every one of you!
If words are not enough, just look at the photos I have taken of you over the years. When I look through my camera lens, all I see is love. So, go back and look at those photos closely.......do you see what I saw? I hope so.
Now, I know that this seems kind of morbid and strange but, you just never know. I just don't want to leave this world without all of you knowing how much you mean to me. When I wake up from surgery and I am still here then, no problem. You know how I feel and you don't have to wait until I die to find out!
I will see you guys on the flip side......whether that is in Heaven or still walking this earth....it does not matter to me.....I am ready for either one!
So, to my family, I want you to know how much you mean to me. I tell you I love you all the time but, do you really know just how much. It is hard to explain the overwhelming feeling of love I have for you. If you ever wonder, just go back and read some of my blog post. I am so proud of my three kids. You have made my world so much brighter than I could have ever imagined. T, you are the love of my life, my best friend and my soul mate. To my daughter in law and my future daughter in law. I love you two more than you will ever know. You have made my two boys so happy and for that I will forever be thankful. To my unborn grand baby, I already love you and I don't even know if you are a girl or boy. It doesn't matter! You are already living in my heart.
To my brother and sister. You are my world. My life would not be complete without you. I am thankful every day for the closeness we have. To my Mama, I love you and I thank you for all they things that you have taught me. Thank you for keeping me in church for all those years. You knew where I needed to be. To my Daddy. I am so thankful and happy that you are back in my life. I am also thankful that you have brought Emily into my life. She is a gem and I am so glad you have each other. I love you Daddy.
To all my nieces and nephews.....I love you more than words can say. You have brought joy to my life and should always know that I am so proud of each and every one of you!
To my Mother in law Martha, thank you so much for being so much more than a mother in law. You have been a friend. You have supported us and loved us and you are special to me. To my father in law Jerry. Thank you for being who you are. You are always there when we need you and I know how much you love us.
To my many Aunts, Uncles and cousins. I love each and every one of you and I am so thankful that I am a part of such a big loving family!
To my many friends. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and your support. You have picked me up on days that I just knew I would never be able to get up again. I love each and every one of you!
If words are not enough, just look at the photos I have taken of you over the years. When I look through my camera lens, all I see is love. So, go back and look at those photos closely.......do you see what I saw? I hope so.
Now, I know that this seems kind of morbid and strange but, you just never know. I just don't want to leave this world without all of you knowing how much you mean to me. When I wake up from surgery and I am still here then, no problem. You know how I feel and you don't have to wait until I die to find out!
I will see you guys on the flip side......whether that is in Heaven or still walking this earth....it does not matter to me.....I am ready for either one!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
The List
Everyone talks about having a Bucket List, especially since the Movie "The Bucket List" came out. After watching the movie, I don't like to call it a Bucket List. In the movie those guys called it that and they were dying. I will be honest.....I am not planning on dying just yet so, I am going to call mine. "The List of things I want to do after my surgery that I have not been able to do because I hurt too bad to do it!" Too long isn't it? Hmmmmm.....I will just call it my "Dream List"!
My list has things on it that I used to be able to do but, because of my back problems I have not been able to do. It also has things on it that I have always wanted to do and couldn't because of my back or even my weight. All this is going to change once I heal and recover. Some of you may find my list boring or you will probably read it and say...."you have never done that?" So, to answer your question ahead of time......no I have never done that obviously or it would not be on my list! Pay attention......this is things I have NEVER done or not been able to do in a while.
My Dream List
1. Go Canoeing
2. Ride a Hot Air Balloon
3. Go to Ship Wreck Island
4. Play Tennis (again)
5. Get a Motorcycle
6. Go Mudding (again)
7. Ride a 4 wheeler through the Woods
8. Go Fishing
9. Walk really fast for a long time (again)
10. Lay on the ground to take pictures
11. Paint pictures (again)
12. Take Dancing (again)
13. Dance at My Children's Weddings
14. Wear high heels (again)
15. climb stairs with ease (again)
14. Go Zip Lining
15. Climb a Rock Wall
16. Run (again)
17. Be able to play with my new Grand baby
18. Just simply wake up every day without pain.
This may not seem like much but, to me all of these things are big. I guess when you can't do these things they become really important again. I know that as I heal and get better, I will be adding to my list. Right now this is enough. I just want to live a real life once again.....one without hesitation, pain or fear. THAT is my dream!
My list has things on it that I used to be able to do but, because of my back problems I have not been able to do. It also has things on it that I have always wanted to do and couldn't because of my back or even my weight. All this is going to change once I heal and recover. Some of you may find my list boring or you will probably read it and say...."you have never done that?" So, to answer your question ahead of time......no I have never done that obviously or it would not be on my list! Pay attention......this is things I have NEVER done or not been able to do in a while.
My Dream List
1. Go Canoeing
2. Ride a Hot Air Balloon
3. Go to Ship Wreck Island
4. Play Tennis (again)
5. Get a Motorcycle
6. Go Mudding (again)
7. Ride a 4 wheeler through the Woods
8. Go Fishing
9. Walk really fast for a long time (again)
10. Lay on the ground to take pictures
11. Paint pictures (again)
12. Take Dancing (again)
13. Dance at My Children's Weddings
14. Wear high heels (again)
15. climb stairs with ease (again)
14. Go Zip Lining
15. Climb a Rock Wall
16. Run (again)
17. Be able to play with my new Grand baby
18. Just simply wake up every day without pain.
This may not seem like much but, to me all of these things are big. I guess when you can't do these things they become really important again. I know that as I heal and get better, I will be adding to my list. Right now this is enough. I just want to live a real life once again.....one without hesitation, pain or fear. THAT is my dream!
Sunday, June 5, 2011
My Pain Explained
As most of you probably already know, I am going on Wednesday to have back surgery. There have been a lot of questions and comments since the decision to have surgery was made. I am going to try to answer and explain what has lead me to this.
My problems with my back started when I was around seventeen years old. After many years of cheerleading, playing tennis and being an avid runner, my back started to suffer.And, yes, I used to be skinny enough to do all those things.....hard to believe, I know! Any way, I had problems off and on for years but, it was not until I was in my early twenties, that I was diagnosed with a degenerative bone disease. I was told then that I would eventually have to have surgery.
Over the years I would just have flair ups that were handled with anti-inflammatory medication and occasionally pain medication. The occasional episodes became more frequent but, were still manageable. All of that changed three and half years ago when I was in a car accident and fractured my back in the same area that I already had problems with. This caused my spine to shift forward. I now have two vertebrae that are sitting on top of each other with no cushioning between them and my sciatic nerve is being crushed between them.
Now, I told you all of that so that you would understand the technical details. The physical and emotional details of living with this is just not so easy to explain.
For the last three and half years I have suffered with constant excruciating pain. Until the last few months, I have not talked about it, mentioned it or advertised it. Only my family and closest friends knew what I was going through and even then, I don't think they realized just how bad it was. That is just not my way. I keep things like this to myself and deal with it the best way I can.
I don't take pain medication because I don't want to go through life in a fog. I live with the pain by going to another place. Does that make sense? I learned years ago in Lamaze class, to concentrate on something else and not focus on the pain. This is what I do.
I had someone to accuse me of trying to be a Martyr! Really? That is how you see it? I don't see it that way. After growing up with a Mother who has Lupus, rheumatoid and various other illnesses, I have seen what something like this does to everyone in the household. This is not something I wanted for my kids. I wanted them to enjoy their childhood and I wanted to be right there with them, not laying in a bed while they were out living their lives.
Before anyone decides to run to my Mother and make something of the above statement that was not intended, I had a great childhood and I do not resent my Mother for being sick. It is what it is. While I was able to enjoy growing up, there has always been an underlying since of worry about my Mom. This worry has always hung over me like a dark cloud. I did not want that for my kids!
I have always lived my life running full speed ahead. I love to go and do and get there as fast as I can. The last few years, I have not been able to do that.
I am not a whiner or complainer. The last few months, I feel like that is all I do and I hate it! I despise being weak and I hate the pain even more. There are so many things I want to do and can't. I hate that too.
This surgery is my lifeline. This is my hope for the future. I did not go into this lightly, I fought it as long as I could and still held out hope that there was something else that could be done. I cried and cried the day I was told that this surgery was my only option. Since then, I have researched and talked to others who have had this same surgery. I am confident in my doctor and I am at peace. I have turned this over to God and he will handle it all for me.
In three days I will have back surgery. I am going into it with hope, fear, excitement and peace. I will recover. I will be pain free. I will be able to once again take back my life. Not only will I take it back......I am going to run with it just as fast as I possibly can..........Who wants to run with me? Come on......I know you do......SO........Get Ready! I have places to go and lots of things to do and I am not waiting around for any slow pokes!
My problems with my back started when I was around seventeen years old. After many years of cheerleading, playing tennis and being an avid runner, my back started to suffer.And, yes, I used to be skinny enough to do all those things.....hard to believe, I know! Any way, I had problems off and on for years but, it was not until I was in my early twenties, that I was diagnosed with a degenerative bone disease. I was told then that I would eventually have to have surgery.
Over the years I would just have flair ups that were handled with anti-inflammatory medication and occasionally pain medication. The occasional episodes became more frequent but, were still manageable. All of that changed three and half years ago when I was in a car accident and fractured my back in the same area that I already had problems with. This caused my spine to shift forward. I now have two vertebrae that are sitting on top of each other with no cushioning between them and my sciatic nerve is being crushed between them.
Now, I told you all of that so that you would understand the technical details. The physical and emotional details of living with this is just not so easy to explain.
For the last three and half years I have suffered with constant excruciating pain. Until the last few months, I have not talked about it, mentioned it or advertised it. Only my family and closest friends knew what I was going through and even then, I don't think they realized just how bad it was. That is just not my way. I keep things like this to myself and deal with it the best way I can.
I don't take pain medication because I don't want to go through life in a fog. I live with the pain by going to another place. Does that make sense? I learned years ago in Lamaze class, to concentrate on something else and not focus on the pain. This is what I do.
I had someone to accuse me of trying to be a Martyr! Really? That is how you see it? I don't see it that way. After growing up with a Mother who has Lupus, rheumatoid and various other illnesses, I have seen what something like this does to everyone in the household. This is not something I wanted for my kids. I wanted them to enjoy their childhood and I wanted to be right there with them, not laying in a bed while they were out living their lives.
Before anyone decides to run to my Mother and make something of the above statement that was not intended, I had a great childhood and I do not resent my Mother for being sick. It is what it is. While I was able to enjoy growing up, there has always been an underlying since of worry about my Mom. This worry has always hung over me like a dark cloud. I did not want that for my kids!
I have always lived my life running full speed ahead. I love to go and do and get there as fast as I can. The last few years, I have not been able to do that.
I am not a whiner or complainer. The last few months, I feel like that is all I do and I hate it! I despise being weak and I hate the pain even more. There are so many things I want to do and can't. I hate that too.
This surgery is my lifeline. This is my hope for the future. I did not go into this lightly, I fought it as long as I could and still held out hope that there was something else that could be done. I cried and cried the day I was told that this surgery was my only option. Since then, I have researched and talked to others who have had this same surgery. I am confident in my doctor and I am at peace. I have turned this over to God and he will handle it all for me.
In three days I will have back surgery. I am going into it with hope, fear, excitement and peace. I will recover. I will be pain free. I will be able to once again take back my life. Not only will I take it back......I am going to run with it just as fast as I possibly can..........Who wants to run with me? Come on......I know you do......SO........Get Ready! I have places to go and lots of things to do and I am not waiting around for any slow pokes!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Look What We Did!
Look what Me and T did!
We made them! With God's help of course! We did it.....we molded them and raised them and most definitely put our mark on them! They are like taking T in one hand and me in the other and just squishing it all together!
And guess what? From them we got these!
Yep, we have the Fireman's wife and Big E's fiance and even though you can't see it yet......underneath that teeny tiny white dress........our first Grand Baby is growing! How exciting for us! Our family is growing by leaps and bounds!
It is just amazing to me that our lives have been so blessed. I am so excited about our future and all that it holds! But, right now, I am just enjoying the here and now which is...........
THIS!!!!!
The Fireman, Sweetie Pie, The Princess, Squirrel, Big E and our growing little Nugget!
And guess what? From them we got these!
It is just amazing to me that our lives have been so blessed. I am so excited about our future and all that it holds! But, right now, I am just enjoying the here and now which is...........
THIS!!!!!
The Fireman, Sweetie Pie, The Princess, Squirrel, Big E and our growing little Nugget!
Saturday, April 30, 2011
My Best Friend
It is hard to believe that 29 years ago, On May 1, 1982........I married my best friend! It really does not feel like it has been that long. We have known each other since we were six years old and starting first grade. Oh, my! That was forty three years ago! Yes, we have literally spent a life time together!
I am not going to sit here and pretend that it has always been easy because, it has not! We have been through so much in our twenty-nine years of marriage. That first year......wow......I did not know if we were going to survive! Then we made a hard decision and moved six hours away from everyone and everything we had ever known! I had our first son in South Carolina and it was just the two of us at that hospital. We had no family there. We moved back when our oldest was a year old.
We went through several years of disappointment as we tried to have a second child and instead faced numerous miscarriages. After six and a half years of trying, we finally had our second son!
We went from joy to fear as we had our third child.....our only girl. She was so sick and we did not know if she would survive! Through this, we became closer instead of allowing it to break us apart!
We have had our ups and downs financially and emotionally, we have gone through the uncertainty of sickness and we have made it through the physical and emotional toll of a horrific car accident.
Through all of these ups and downs, the fear and sorrow, the one thing that has remained constant, is the love and respect we have for each other. Each trial that we have been through has just made us closer.
Even though we have had some really rough days, we have had way more wonderful days. We have brought three beautiful children into this world. We have watched with pride and joy as they have grown into the wonderful adults they have become.
Most of all, we have enjoyed each other. We know each other like we know ourselves. We can laugh at and with each other and we can just look at each other and know what the other one is thinking!
I still get feel a thrill when my phone rings and I know it is him. I love to see him smile and laugh and will do silly things just to get him to do both! I love his hands. I know those hands like I know my own. They are strong hands. They are the hands that dried my tears and tickled me until I laughed so much I could not breathe but most of all they are the hands that have held mine for twenty-nine years.
I don't know what makes a great marriage but, I do know what makes ours work. Respect, Trust, Laughter, Communication and Love......lots and lots of Love!
So......today.....I want to say to my "T".......I love you even more today than I did Twenty-nine years ago! Happy Anniversary! I am looking forward to all the years ahead of us! I Love You!
I am not going to sit here and pretend that it has always been easy because, it has not! We have been through so much in our twenty-nine years of marriage. That first year......wow......I did not know if we were going to survive! Then we made a hard decision and moved six hours away from everyone and everything we had ever known! I had our first son in South Carolina and it was just the two of us at that hospital. We had no family there. We moved back when our oldest was a year old.
We went through several years of disappointment as we tried to have a second child and instead faced numerous miscarriages. After six and a half years of trying, we finally had our second son!
We went from joy to fear as we had our third child.....our only girl. She was so sick and we did not know if she would survive! Through this, we became closer instead of allowing it to break us apart!
We have had our ups and downs financially and emotionally, we have gone through the uncertainty of sickness and we have made it through the physical and emotional toll of a horrific car accident.
Through all of these ups and downs, the fear and sorrow, the one thing that has remained constant, is the love and respect we have for each other. Each trial that we have been through has just made us closer.
Even though we have had some really rough days, we have had way more wonderful days. We have brought three beautiful children into this world. We have watched with pride and joy as they have grown into the wonderful adults they have become.
Most of all, we have enjoyed each other. We know each other like we know ourselves. We can laugh at and with each other and we can just look at each other and know what the other one is thinking!
I still get feel a thrill when my phone rings and I know it is him. I love to see him smile and laugh and will do silly things just to get him to do both! I love his hands. I know those hands like I know my own. They are strong hands. They are the hands that dried my tears and tickled me until I laughed so much I could not breathe but most of all they are the hands that have held mine for twenty-nine years.
I don't know what makes a great marriage but, I do know what makes ours work. Respect, Trust, Laughter, Communication and Love......lots and lots of Love!
So......today.....I want to say to my "T".......I love you even more today than I did Twenty-nine years ago! Happy Anniversary! I am looking forward to all the years ahead of us! I Love You!
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